Asa Salem Aarons

[Leif]

•• ASA SALEM AARONS

SPEAK BOY! TELL ME YOUR NAME! YOUR SPECIES! YOUR AGE! EVEN YOUR BIRTHDAY!

Oh. Another one of these interviews? How the hell did I get involved in all of this again? Okay, so anyway my name is Salem Aarons. I like Salem better than my actual first name which is Asa. Asa has always annoyed me a bit, I don't know why. It just drives me nuts. There's only very few people who can get by with calling me by my first name, for all intents and purposes my name is Salem. Though, when I do have to initial documents it's awesome because I can simply write Asa all over again and have to explain how my initials are my first name. Strange right? I have no clue what my name means at all, I don't really know why my parents decided to name me Asa Salem Aarons. Well, Aarons is my last name for sure, cause it was my dad's name. But, Asa Salem? No freaken clue!

So here I am with a confusing initial name alike, a twenty-seven year old man that prefers his middle name. My race? Why do you need to know that? I'm British, dammit. Oh... You mean... My blood purity? Actually, I'm a muggle. Strange, right? I'm allowed here because of my job position. I got lucky and landed a great job at the Defence Intelligence. I think it's mainly because my little sister was lucky enough to be magical. Anyways, I guess I am twenty-seven years old or um six years old in pirate code? Maybe in wizard spell code too... Cause of the date of my birthday, cause I was born on the twenty-ninth day of February. Strange right?

YOU! IMPOSTER! WHO DO YOU LOOK LIKE? DESCRIBE YOURSELF TO THE BLIND SEER!

My friends tell me, well my muggle friends... Since the magical ones don't watch television or go to movies as much. Anyways, they tell me that I look a lot like an awesome guy in the old Avenger movies, y'know the ones with Jeremy Renner when he was younger like ten years ago? So, yeah. That's exactly what I look like. It's eerie watching old films to see someone that looks like me! It was fun as a teenager on tumblr for a while, I got so many questions asking if I was him or asking how I got photos of that man. So um, anyways. About me? Well, can't you just look at a photograph of me or just look across the damn table? I'm half German and half Welsh, does that count for anything?

Fine, I'll answer. So, I'm um just above five feet and nine inches tall last time I checked... If you prefer it in centimeters it'd be about a hundred and seventy six. I have green eyes. My hair is brown, not super dark almost black like some people have and yet not light enough to be dirty blond, just a regular brown, a lighter brown. How do I dress? Well, I wear a lot of suits because that is the attire I have to have when I'm at work in the Defense Intelligence buildings, you can't stand out too much, y'know? I do like regular old jeans and t-shirts. My shirts fit me well, I don't skimp out cheap on clothes. I did at the beginning of my career, but I begun buying better eventually. So, here's where I'm at, I guess? I don't have many markings on my body. Oh. Wait, does the tattoo on my upper left arm count? It's an old family crest, y'know. Quite proud of my roots. I'd also like to think I'm quite fit... But, god, I don't know my own weight? Um... One eighty? Wait, that might be too conservative... I seriously am not sure. Maybe north of that.

I LIKE INTERROGATIONS! WHAT DO YOU LIKE? WHAT DO YOU DESPISE?

How am I supposed to know what I like? Oh, general likes? Um. I definitely love pizza, that counts right? I love watching television or going to movies^L1. I like food^L2 in general, for sure, food is the fastest way to my heart. But, I don't like cranberries^D1 very much, but god damn, do I ever love hot pockets^L3. Really, any food you can think of, as long as it's not something disgusting like... Sea cucumbers I'd probably eat. Of course I like the ladies^L4, even love them! I love my family^L5, they mean a great deal to me despite the internal conflicts we have. I love the snow^L6 and I also love summer... Heck, I like all the seasons^L7 as long as it isn't so hot that my skin will scorch if I step outside. I am a fan of routine^L8, but I don't mind some change now and then.

Damn. Why is it so hard to think of what I like or dislike? I love to explore^L9, I find the magical world fascinating... I really do not like coming across evidence of mass memory charms or anything wizards do against muggles^D2. I easily get frustrated with technology, but in the end I really like technology^L10. I dislike traveling by portkey or apparition^D3, seriously they make me sick sometimes... I might be getting used to them, but it's so... Strange. I rather love sports^L11, muggle sports that is... Magical ones are confusing and make no sense. Horses^D4 freak me out, but it's probably because I fell off one as a kid and broke my arm. I um... Also don't like crows^D5.

I cannot stand when I am asked questions by wizards and witches and have to stand around looking like an idiot. Okay, in truth I just hate having to make a fool of myself by not knowing how to answer something^D6. I hate flies^D7 with a passion. I don't even understand how they get into my house when I'm sleeping and buzz around my ears. I dislike hitting my toes or my leg^D8 on things like tables or walls. I used to like repetition and paperwork, but god damn now after I see so much damn paperwork^D9 on my desk for me to sign... I'm sick of it! What else? Um, I really don't like being questioned by strange men I hardly know^D10.

I CAN BREW VERITASERUM WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS? TELL ME YOUR WEAKNESSES...

I have talked to a great deal of wizards and witches, for some reason a great many of them think it is a great idea to decide to describe themselves to me by naming a house... Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or even Slytherin. The houses mean little to me, they don't make much sense at all which is quite odd to be truthful. But, from what I learned from my sister when she wrote her first owl back home to me, I guess I might hit Gryffindor? So, um what are my weaknesses? My strengths? Okay... Let's start with what I'm told my strengths are. I'm brave^S1, always have been Don't believe me, ask some of my friends and family. I'm dependable^S2, at least I hope I am: I try to keep my promises and be there when needed. Um. What else... Gah, this is hard. I guess I'm patient^S3, I'm willing to wait and I leave early often so I'm not late. I can be spontaneous, romantic, organized, oh god you better believe I'm organized^S4. I can tell you where everything on my bookshelf belongs. Borrow a book without telling me? I know what you took... I do have strong memory^S5. Overall, I guess I'm a friendly guy. Right? God. I hope...

Anyways, I'm told that I'm quite childish^W1. I will always be childish I guess to an extent, I can have an attitude... But that's besides the point. I'm quite cynical^W2, I surely see the negatives that are out there in the world. I can also be extremely ignorant^W3, I know being ignorant is not a good thing while working for Defense Intelligence, right? But, I really can't help it. I'm proud, and I'm proud of my smug, but that's not a weakness in my opinion so let's scratch that out. I do get pissed off and have attitude^W4, like when I find out muggles were involved in some cover up, and news was never delivered to the family. Gah, I guess what's last? I guess I can be distant^W5 at times, when I'm involved in work or pissed off. Seriously, when I'm pissed off I need to cool down so I don't explode in your face. But, I'll never hit a woman. That's one of my standards.

TAP... TAP... TAP... WHAT ANNOYS YOU? WHAT ARE YOUR QUIRKS? HABITS?

Oh god. What are my quirks? How the hell am I supposed to know my quirks and habits? I do get quite easily annoyed when people like you, mister interrogator ask me stupid useless questions¹. Seriously, do you have anything better to ask? I guess I do bite my lower lip randomly², I don't usually realize when I'm doing it, it's just something I'm told. I tap my pen³ on my desk often, I don't know why. I guess it's boredom? I can procrastinate⁴ and be lazy⁵ at times as well. Whoa, I guess I do have some habits. Oh, I do watch way too much television⁶ sometimes, like seriously... I might disappear for an entire weekend to watch a marathon on television if I have free time! Oh yeah, almost forgot I almost always go out to eat⁷ because I can't cook water to save my life, I'd die without a microwave.

OBLIVIATE! WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS!

What's my deepest fear? Honestly, after what I've read about you magical folks, your bloody wars, the crimes against humanity committed... And yet the compassion I see... I stand confused. When I fear something, that's more than a fear of an angry bear chasing me would probably be the idea of another war, a war between magic and mortals... Muggles, whatever term you prefer. I find it despicable of how muggles can be used and then have their memory wiped. I fear that will happen to me, I don't want to forget. And how do I know I haven't been charmed to forget something already? My secret? Ugh, I don't know? I was the one that broke my sister's wand when I was thirteen? It got blamed on the dog, but I was just curious to see if I could get it work. I was incredibly jealous of her when I was a kid.

My worst memory. Wow. That's a sucker. Um. It'd probably be seeing a dragon up close for the first time? Terrifying! Seriously, if I had a nightmare it'd probably be that damn dragon. The fire, the warmth of the fire it spat, dear that creature exists?

EXPECTO PATRONUM! WHAT ARE YOUR HAPPIEST MEMORIES? YOUR PATRONUS FORM?

Can your character perform a patronus? What animal is their form? What are your character's happy memories?

I am not a wizard, I'm mortal... A muggle. I cannot produce a patronus. I do not have an animal form either. But, my happy memories? I have plenty. I remember being so happy seeing my sister return home from Hogwarts for the first time, I know I was pissed for a while but first thing I did was grab her in a hug and carry her on my back and made her tell me everything. Actually, let's go with that.

SO... ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE... WHO ARE YOU... SEEING... DATING? STALKING?

I have never been married, for sure. (He laughs). But, I am a straight man, heterosexual. HETEROSEXUAL, don't get me wrong. Nothing against the guys that like other guys or even the ladies. But, I'm a straight man, I like girls. I'm a guy, that likes girls. I'm fairly sure about that. And don't you dare tell me having lesbian parents makes me gay, because that's the furthest from the truth. I like women. Okay? Having a lack of a male role model in my life did not screw me up. Though, I did get stuck with the yard work... Anyways, I did have a few girlfriends. I've had bad luck though, my longest relationship? Probably five months? That was back when I was about twenty-three? Yeah, I dated about for a while, a one night stand here and there. But, now I'm so focused on other things. But, there is this chick, this hot girl with the most captivating eyes, hair... Her smile that makes my heart skip a beat. Lisette Lumière I believe is her name. I hear she's a professor at Hogwarts, so she's in a different league than I am for sure. I'm mortal, not magical I never will be. She's magical, it's not meant to be.

DO YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY? TELL ME OF YOUR FAMILY... SIBLINGS... PARENTS...

So, um. Yeah. My family? My sister is _____ Aarons, at least I think she is unless she ran off and got married without me knowing, anyways, you might know her because she's muggleborn as you all say... Or magicborn in my mind. We both share the same parents. My mom's name is Taylor Adrienne Aarons and my other mom's name is Juliane Hilda Aarons... That's my dad... Just kidding, my other mom. One N in her first name, not two, don't get that wrong. I have grandparents of course, a German set too. I don't understand a word of what they're saying. My other grandparents are Welsh.

My parents are of course alive, and muggle. And um, don't ask who my father is because in my world I do not have one. Me and my sister are siblings, half-siblings that is. My moms used the same sperm donor twice. But, I don't know which mom is my biological mom because my sister was born at a time I don't really remember and I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. Anyways, both my moms are moms, no dads, just moms. I think of them both as equal. Biological means nothing to me. When I asked they just told me one or the other gave birth to me and vice versa for my sister. My moms asked me if I wanted to meet my biological father once, when I like sixteen and going through a rebellious phase. Anyways, I said no. Still am not curious and I do not want to know. So... That's what I know.

ONCE UPON A TIME... MY LIFE STORY IS BORING, BUT... I WANT TO KNOW YOURS.

My history? My life story is hard to say. I'll say what I remember, I guess. Once upon a time my mothers met when they were like twenty something years old. Then eventually started screwing around and that stuff. Don't ask me, I really do not want to know. After they were together for about five years they decided they wanted kids. So anyways, they choose a sperm donor. Don't ask me about that process too, because really... I do not want to know anything about it. So um, yeah... Right. So one of my moms got pregnant, I'm not sure which one did so don't ask me. Anyways, I was born a healthy child I guess? Well, the hospital did have to keep me overnight, but that's routine is it not? I'm not so sure on that thing.

They named me Salem, not sure why. Okay so my name is actually Asa Salem Aarons. But, the initials are cool, one of my moms thought it would be awesome to have the same first name as initials. So um, like three years after I was born my moms had another kid. I don't remember which one was pregnant. Oh, yeah, I did mention my parents are gay right? Lesbian? If you have a problem with that go back to your hole. So from what I remember one mom had me the other had my sister. We had the same donor, so we're genetically related and all that. I'm not genetically related to one of my moms, but, I'm not really sure which. I don't really care just because it doesn't matter. My parents choose a doctor with the last name Stork so they didn't have to lie to me. Oh, did I mention I was born on a day that disappears? February twenty-ninth!

My childhood was alright. I went to school, a lot of schools. I passed my A-levels, I guess I did alright. Anyways, my childhood was eventful. I had a lot of fun, but man... I was a terror. I grew up around women, constantly women. I never had a strong male role model in my life, to be honest. There was no uncle, no father figure. Well, I do have a few aunts and uncles, but none that were close while I was growing up and one of my moms has an unmarried sister and the other one only had younger sisters that married off, started having their own families when I was like seven or eight.

I remember the trip to the zoos, to museums... God damn, my mom loves museums. I don't get the appeal of staring at so called art that's just a photograph of a damn banana, I can do that on my cell phone, will you pay me a million and a half pounds? Dumbass rich people.

When I was sixteen my moms sat me aside to talk to me, asking if I wanted to meet my sperm donor. I was really confused at first why. "Honey, if you like men we'd be okay with that, but we want you to be sure... We are sorry for not having a man in your life." Oh damn, was I pissed. I replied back, "What the... I'm not gay moms!" Yeah, it was an interesting evening, my mothers were relieved and started talking to me about the birds and the bees for like the third or fourth time... In detail that a teenager never needs to hear their parents talk about. So um, about my sperm donor I guess? I said no. I didn't want to meet him at all. I wasn't curious, I told my parents I didn't want the file, I didn't want a picture. That stuff doesn't exist in my mind. That man was never in my head at all, all he did was jack off into a cup and it later got turkey basted into my mom. Oh dear god, I did not need that image in my head...

Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies. For sure. Anyways, I got my first girlfriend when I was seventeen? I know, late right? I always knew I was straight, I wasn't curious at all, not one bit. I liked the ladies, I lost my virginity at seventeen as well... Don't ask me the details because I kind of got drunk and don't remember most of it. It was not fun coming home drunk, I remember being woken up by my mom at six am to eat breakfast and my mom, this mom was Taylor that woke me up. She spent the entire day making me work. She made me mow the lawn a day early. Gah, it sucked being the only guy. All the yard work went to me. It was not fair. Trash, yard work, vacuum my room, ugh. Heck, my mom even made me clean the bathroom the first time I came home drunk. She worked me until late at night with my blaring headache. Needless to say, I didn't come home drunk again for a while after that.

The punishment was because I was driving drunk, stupid mistake I know. Both my moms made sure I knew to call them if I ever found myself drunk again. It happened again like two months later. My moms came to pick me up and brought me home, they let me sleep in that time. I guess I was a lucky bastard. Right?

So um. I graduated school and had a chance to go to university. I said yeah, I went to a local university up in Cardiff. I got accepted to some place in London, but I wanted to stay close to home, y'know. Okay, I lied. I really wanted to go to London, but my moms told me horror stories about it. There was also another one in Scotland. I really wasn't all that thrilled about going on for more school. But, my moms like insisted so I did. I choose Cardiff because it made my moms more comfortable and it was closer to home. So, I went. I studied random things, but I focused in history and economics because those seemed simple enough. But, there was this Russian chick at school, so I started learning some Russian. So, yeah, I picked up some Russian on top of the English and Welsh I already knew.

I didn't learn much of it, but I must've impressed some guy with it in my sophomore year. I was called to an office I've never been in to find men in suits asking me questions and looking at my grades. I was doing well, I guess? Anyways, they asked me to go to a military base with them for a job opportunity. I said no, but they kept persisting. Well, I ended up accepting the job. I did drop out of university, so I never graduated. I went to go work straight for the Defense Intelligence from the Ministry of Defense. It was hard at first, really intimating, but, I listened and learned. I learned what was taught to me. I was sent to London like every other week for my first year, flew there with some soldiers. Man, those guys can be terrifying but awesome.

So um, anyways me and the Russian chick did break up, because she became interested in someone else. It hurt, so I did quit school and buried myself in my training. Time passed by and I got promoted, and promoted again. The trips to London still were frequent. I did get assigned to work under some guy I swore I seen somewhere before. Anyways, I ran into him in Hogsmeade when visiting my little sister, she was staying with friends there. He freaked out when he saw me and asked me what was I doing there. I never found out what exactly he does, but, he said it was tied to his position. Well, I never saw him again. When I got back to work the next day I found out I had been transferred out of Cardiff to an office in Scotland, in a town near Hogsmeade... That was nice, got to see my sister more often. But, I had to live in military housing which was really strange getting used to until I managed to get a flat there. So, I only worked in the Cardiff office for about two years.

I stayed in that base for about four years before they closed it. It devastated the local town for sure. But, while I was working there I was approached by some magic guy a few times, it was strange. He just followed me as I walked to Hogsmeade. At first I thought it was nobody, I looked around. I swore someone was following me, one day I saw him, I saw a nose, and an ear. The spell he used was wearing off. I grabbed him and tossed him to the ground. The military did give me some training, that boot camp was not fun... Let me tell you, but I learned useful skills.

So, one thing led to another. I agreed to help an organization that called themselves the Order. I slowly learned more details, they were modeled after ideologies I read about. They were curious about me at first, why a muggle was able to get into Hogsmeade without magic. But, it took a while for trust to build. But, as things heated up a bit and things I was shown about random muggle attacks. I agreed to give them Defense information. I know, against the law. But, man, my sister's a part of this world. I could be a bridge to both... I didn't see the harm in helping British wizards, another British world inside the United Kingdom. At first I was really skeptical, any information I gave the first year sucked for sure.

As my trust built, I gave them better information, got more used to what to look for. I learned to grab and ignore reports that matched up with any operations the Order did, and simply reclassified them as unimportant teenage activity from a prank or whatever. So, that was about three years ago. About three years ago as well, the military base I worked on shut down due to government closures. I was transferred to the London office. I hardly go to Hogsmeade now, but, Diagon Alley is much more exciting and people don't stare as much in the crowds. I also don't run into many kids. Don't get me wrong, I like kids. But, damn those fourteen year old brats can tear you apart.

I was given a fake wand by an Order member. The wand was just for appearances to give up when I went into a magical establishment that required a wand to be forfeited, like those old movies about the gun lockers in saloons. The wand was enchanted for me, I was told if I ever found myself in danger to break my wand and throw the wand at my attacker and it would explode. They were pretty insisted on I hold my breath when I do that too, and to not inhale until I was a few meters away and run like hell. My fireplace in my home in London got hooked up to the Floo Network, but I was told to only go to certain places, never ask for anything else besides those places. I understood. They were kind enough to hook it up to my sister as well, so I can talk to her more.

So um. Here I am. I'm Salem Aarons. I'm six years old in leap years, or twenty-seven by years. So here is me. Also, there's this witch I met in an Order meeting, damn. I wish I was magical just to kiss her. Lisette Lumière, oh you are out of my league lady. I'm gonna try. Anything else I forgot? Um. I love sports? I watch tv a lot, I love the games. Um, not American football though. I love football... Or Soccer as Americans say. Cricket, Lacrosse. I um... seen a nuclear explosion up close in an observation laboratory? I've found a rogue wizard once and reported it to the Order to take care of it instead of alerting the military operations commander or MI6. Oh did I mention watching a nuclear explosion was kind of awesome but yet extremely terrifying. It's amazing how we have the power to level London!

my name is leif i am twenty-four years old I hail from pacific -8 gmt.