Montague, Oliver Alistair

[Leif]

Oliver

alistair montague

slytherin • fifth • fifteen • bisexual
racer • materialistic • lonely • feels betrayed

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Character Name: Oliver Alistair Montague
Nickname(s): Ollie or Oly are the most common nicknames for him. Ollie is the most common of all, but, to try and make himself stand out sometimes Oliver writes it as simply Oly as it's different.
Job: Student at Hogwarts.
Age: Fifteen.
Date of Birth: April 24, 2008.
Blood Status: Pure-blood.
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual, leans toward men.
Wand: The boy's current wand has a ten inch and three quarters Apple wood wand with a phoenix feather as a core. The apple is powerful and suited for those whom have high aims and ideals. It's rumored that the holder of an Apple wood wand will be well-loved and long-lived, but he's not entirely sure about it. He thinks it's just a coincidence. His first wand however was made of acacia and a unicorn hair core, but he broke it in his first year and had to get a new one.

THE APPEARANCE

Height: Five feet and six inches.
Weight: 108 pounds. 17.43 BMI index.
Hair: Medium brown hair.
Eyes: Blue.
Distinguishing Features: The boy isn't exactly scar free. He did live a life, a good life by some people's standards. The boy does have a small scar on the back of his right foot ankle. His wrists do have bumps from healed over scars that aren't very visible. Sometimes there are fresher scars, but he tries his best to hide them with the best he could do with his magic. They're most noticeable after winter and summer break.
Style: Oliver comes from an upstanding family. This is a family that does care about appearances. This is a family that puts thought into their clothing styles. This rubbed off on him greatly. The boy can dress up quite well for any family event. However, he does like his own style of clothes. He goes for comfort. Tight shirts, nice jackets, a scarf perhaps. Things like that. He doesn't like to take his shirt off in public so much. His clothes are for the most part almost always comfortable to wear, yet with a sort of elegance behind it. If he gets to pick them out he simply would choose styles he likes himself, more modern ones. His wardrobe does have some vibrant colors in it. He isn't afraid of color.
Play By: Cody Christian.

THE PERSONALITY

Boggart: The biggest fear for him is simply being forgotten. He doesn't want to be forgotten. He wants to make a mark on the world, not be in the shadow. He wants someone to know him for his own achievements, even if he doesn't have very many.
Dementor: Oliver doesn't like to recall bad memories as there were many. His siblings telling him he's not real, or that he was unplanned, an accident or harassing him mostly in the past (though, Oliver will sometimes tell a tall tale and go overboard with stories of his siblings, especially from when he was much younger). But perhaps one of the worst would be when he was nine and having an emotional and complete break down for the first time in a while he exploded with magic (first sign of magic) and destroyed a wine stash. The hardest part of it was how afraid Oliver instantly became when he realized what happened that he ran away from home to go hide for a few hours.
Erised: His dream and desire is to be great, to be the best Montague there is and to win the favor of his parents away from Nate and Ellie.
Patronus: Oliver has never been able to conjure a patronus. He simply cannot. His happiest memory is actually from one of the family functions he went to. He hadn't really wanted to go, but he was tapped on the shoulder by another person his age and dragged out to the dance floor. It was only for fun and he actually had quite a great time there.
Veritaserum: Wouldn't you like to know?

Likes:

• Attention - He grew up in a self-centered world, a world where everything was focused on the view of whichever family member doing whatever. His siblings had it long before him and soak it all up. His parents seem to like it too. Himself? He wants it. He strives for it. He wants to be noticed. Why isn't he as perfect as his older siblings? Everyone's interested in Nathaniel or Eleanor, not him. He can't instigate, he doesn't have strings to pull. His older brother gets girls right and left to fawn over him for his perfect damn looks, perfect sculpted body, perfect everything. His sister seems to have the best of the world to him. They distorted his view, and he doesn't realize it.
  
  He was unplanned. He knows he was unplanned. He ruined his family's perfect image. One boy. One girl. He just had to come along. He strives for attention. He feels his parents favor his older brother and sister. Is it too much to ask for the attention for himself for once? He feels extremely attention starved. Hey, you're Nate's kid brother right? They say. Nobody ever notices him, he feels. Not ever.
  
• Running - Running is a way to relieve stress it's quite a simple way to relieve it. Why? Really there's no question about it. It's great exercise, provides great air, and running during the quiet times of the day allows him to be alone with his thoughts. That's what matters to him greatly. Running is quite an enjoyable activity for him.
  
  Yes, he does share it in common with a sibling, but he does feel it's kind of his as well. He takes different routes, runs through the castle, will even run in the snow. It's just a great way to get away. Rain or shine, he can be found running extensively, even if he's exhausted and barely slept he'd be up and awake and running about.
  
• A Great View - Need Oliver say more? Whether it be a person he's attracted to or a great piece of scenery that captivates his imagination. He likes attractive ladies and also attractive men, so he'd stare at both... He's happy with whichever. He likes seeing the trees, mountains reaching for the stars, or even the stars that drive him wild. 
  
• Fun - Fun is fun. There's nothing more fun than fun. If he can go out and have fun, he doesn't care exactly how it occurs he'd do it. If it involves paying that weird Weasley kid that's brilliant at forging things, then he'd do it. Hey, those identification papers can be nice enough especially on the lovely lonely weekends in Hogsmeade. There's no limit in the world. Fun is something he'd drop everything for. Chance at fun? Hell yeah, he's in.
  
• Getting His Way - Like many teenagers, he simply likes to get his way. It's all about other people. Constantly about their lives, their drama. Just for once he'd like it to be about him. But, he's learned to take some of its advantages. He can get his way easier. They're not as watchful on him, he's a bit neglected so he can slip away to go buy something and burn through his parents' money without giving a care in the world or steal his father's alcohol and leave the bottle in someone else's room.
  
  He's not used to getting his way on family matters. But, stars help him. Merlin help him, he will find a way to get his way even if he has to go around everyone he even cares about. It's his world, and he is going to damn well treat it like it.
  
• Learning - School is actually quite boring to many people. Oliver thinks it's boring as hell as well. He's quite looking forward to passing his Ordinary Wizarding Levels to go onto his Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Test level classes. He wants to change his schedule completely, to try and figure out what he wants to do. The boy is indecisive, he cannot decide exactly what he wants to do with his life, but nonetheless he's excited. He's actually quite intelligent and can easily go past things if he puts his mind to it and gives it effort. But, sometimes simply effort isn't enough. But, learning is something he does like. It actually provides a great distraction from life drama.
  
• Swearing - Swearing and cursing is fun. Hand over all those fancy words, he'd say it. He doesn't care if he gets backslapped by someone. He'd say the words he damn well pleases. Whose going to stop him? They're all too focused on someone else. Away from authority figures, Oliver can have quite the sailor of a mouth. He doesn't mind people using those words or insults around him. As long as he gets to use them back. Curse him out, he curses you back.
  
• Pain - Pain is something that is real. It feels real. Especially physical pain. Physical pain distracts from emotional pain, this releases some sort of chemical in the brain that relieves the pain again and gives him a rush of adrenaline. It makes him feel happy. So yes, Oliver harms himself... Most often with the Severing Char, using the incantation of diffindo carefully on his ankles or wrists. The cuts bleed, they hurt but suddenly it feels better for him. It gives him a tremendous amount of relief from any sort of pressure or stress he has on him. This helps him get past a sort of depression.
  
  He does try to cover up the wounds with a healing spell, but his healing magic isn't as strong when he's nervous or scared so sometimes they don't heal so completely. Sometimes they slip through as he does it in the dark and completely misses his aim.
  
• Coffee - There's just something about the smell and texture he likes. For the longest while he didn't like it. He just tried it to copy his older siblings, Eleanor and Nathaniel. He wanted to be more like them as a kid and so he got the cups of coffee and forced himself to drink the liquid that made him want to balk. Now, he has an actual taste for it. It grew on him and he actually strives for coffee and likes it well enough.
  
• Books - Oliver loves to learn. Books are a great way to learn. Books also provide an escape. Oliver is a huge fan of history books and books that are fictional. He loves reading of fictional worlds, of worlds where they go above and beyond. Something he'd never admit to many, he actually does enjoy muggle fantasy books as well and reads them in secret. He'd just splice the covers with something more magical tasting.
  

Dislikes:

• Himself - This is sometimes a hidden dislike, but sometimes it is noticeable by others. Oh, how hard it is for him to admit it. He doesn't even like to admit it to himself. He doesn't hold himself in a high regard. He doesn't hold an ego despite him showing a strong ego that thinks himself better than others. It's simply a facade. He's a Montague. He's supposed to be superior than everyone else, no question about it. It's how his siblings are. they think they're all mighty and superior. His parents do as well. So... It seems only natural. But, that does not stop the boy from hating himself in any way.
  
• Food - Being self conscious and feeling neglected the boy wants more attention. While he does like food, likes taste... He tries to make himself dislike food. He'd be polite and eat. But, he'd skip meals constantly not wanting to eat at all instead opting to run. He only eats light foods that don't effect much. Sadly, Oliver is anorexic. He feels food adds too much to his image, he needs to find a way to make himself look more perfect, better for other people. Family meals, things like that he does eat, however he's very careful with what he chooses to eat. Or he grabs smaller portions at first. He will not bring his food back up however, as he feels that's disgusting. He doesn't feel that hungry anymore, but when he does he'd chew gum or use a piece of hard candy to satisfy it.
  
• Losing - Losing isn't fun. Not fun at all. He's actually a bit of a sore loser. Oliver doesn't like to lose, and doesn't take defeat easily. He'd often challenge to a rematch and call one a chicken for being afraid to do another round.
  
• Family Events - Reunions, family dinners, those types of things are drama, drama, drama. There's some arguing. There's fake smiles. There are stories across the table that he knows that could cause all hell to break lose if he breathes a single word of it. Family events are tough on him. They talk about his siblings, about what they're up to often before him. When they talk to him he hears comments like you look out of shape, oh honey, don't eat that and he tries his best not to get frustrated. Luckily he can control his temper to an extent.
  
• Meddling - While he does love his parents and his siblings and other sin his life there's a problem: They often meddle. They think they have the right to simply come around and declare whatever they want. They think they know what's best for him, but they sometimes shelf what is really best for him for the interest of other family members. Being the youngest he had always felt as if he were on the backburner, pushed away from his own needs to meet the ends of his other family members.
  
  He doesn't think this is right, not one bit at all. Not right for him at all. This is entirely how he feels. He can grin and bear it, take it all up on his shoulders. He's quite used to it. It's nothing special, nothing new. He just basically had to learn to deal with everything is about someone else. About someone else's perfect little life when Nate's off breaking the law and Ellie's doing who knows what with who knows who.
  
• Brown Nosers - Suck ups suck. Oliver has nothing else to say on that subject. Go suck up to somebody else. Okay, he'd admit that the sucking up is nice. He quite likes it when somebody sucks up to him wanting to get to a family member. But, he most definitely does not respect it. If the person is going that low to suck up to Ollie in hopes to get to another family member he is not only offended, he also feels they have no respect for his family or his family's pride. If they're good enough in skill and talent then they'd be able to figure it out themselves without talking to him.
  
• Being Ignored - Being ignored sucks more than suck ups. He hates when he has news and wants to talk to somebody and they brush him off for something else. He doesn't like being ignored for anything. Not at all. He feels a bit hurt when he's brushed aside. Simply imagine growing up in a world where everything revolves around someone else. This is exactly how Oliver feels.
  
• Missing his Aim - The boy is great at magic, no doubt about it. But, he does have a problem. He misses his aim on things, especially if he doesn't see his target. He doesn't have quite the best aim on a great many spells. There's only a few random spells he has perfected his aim at from several hundred tries of practice such as the severing charm or the levitating charm. It especially sucks when he's tight on time and in-between classes or in the bathroom and has to go, he misses and either has to be late (sometimes he cannot afford being late again) or deal with a mark on his wrists for a while.
  
• Stress - Stress comes easy. He doesn't like stress. Nobody really does. Stress doesn't motivate him, it just puts him down and stresses his emotions which could lead to other unpleasant side effects.
  
• Cowards - People who refuse to take a side are cowards. He doesn't like cowards. One either has an opinion. If they don't, coward. He fully feels everyone should have an opinion and if they do not they're considered weak and inconsiderate. He doesn't care what side it is about the opinion. If they have no opinion he doesn't like it.
  

Strengths:

• Intelligent - If there was one thing that his parents probably wish he would do more it'd be to apply himself. He doesn't really apply himself. It's quite a shame because he's actually quite intelligent. He does very well on tests and the nights he does study he gets his work done fast. He's not stupid by any means and actually has some of the brains of his family. He's just not using them for the right things yet, but nonetheless it is a strength.
  
• Graceful - Born into a strong standing family and one that moves in high life society forced him to learn his etiquette and manners. He knows which pieces of silverware to grab and has since he was practically a toddler, he knows how to smile and play nice and not bite anyone. He talks smoothly enough that he seems comfortable in a verity of subjects that may come up. He tries his best to be polite outside of his family circle at any sort of event.
  
• Detailed Oriented - This boy can remember some of the strangest and weirdest things. They come up at random times. Random facts? He can give them to anyone. This boy does a pretty good job remembering where things go. If he walks in the door on a summer day at home and his mom had something out all she has to do is point at it and the boy would know exactly where to put it from seeing it before.
  
• Proud - For some this is a weakness, but, not for Oliver. He's a proud boy. He's proud of his line. Despite the shortcomings, he was raised to be a Montague, to stand strong and firm, put on his best front and take the world by a storm. He's superior, he's the best person in the world and everyone better believe it. He's damn proud of that reputation and proud of himself most times until he admits that he hates himself.
  
• Calm - The boy is actually quite calm when it comes to a great many things. It makes him seem disinterested in things or people, perhaps because he actually isn't all that interested in everyone's perfect little life or all of their wealth of problems. He has his own problems, he simply doesn't care. A smile at somebody doesn't mean he wants to hear their life story. But, he's remarkably calm and avoids outbreaks in public. He takes it out on himself in private.

Weaknesses:

• Harms himself - It's hard for him to admit. He does harm himself. He cuts into his skin with careful severing charms. He does it in private in a random dark corridor away from everyone, in the dark forest, at home locked in a bathroom or at school in a stall or a shower. He'd whisper diffindo and point it at his wrist, or his ankle... Usually his wrist. He'd gasp in pain for several seconds and begin panting before he gives a long deep sigh of relief and a smile almost of pure bliss comes across his face. He does use magic to cover it up for the most part, sometimes it doesn't completely hide. He's also a bit anorexic, refusing to eat and actually quite underweight. The boy harms himself, he harms himself for a goal of trying to get a perfect image, the most perfect part of himself. Something to make the world proud of him, mommy and daddy, sister, and brother. They're giants of stature, and he's a little fifteen year old off in his own world. He wants to join theirs.
  
• Apathetic - Apathetic is the best word to describe his demeanor. While he does care for things and does love and like and hate things, he does seem quite disinterested in a great deal of things. He doesn't seem to care when it comes to a lot of things including consequences, because what's the worst that can happen? He simply experiences discomfort talking to some people and comes off as disinterested. This demeanor does wear off as a person gets to know him as he'd care more about them. He doesn't betray alliances or friends.
  
• Neglected - His parents have perfect children. Two perfect ones. Nathaniel and Eleanor. The entire world revolves around them. They're all happy little breeding bunnies in their own happy little bubbles of a life. He feels forgotten not only by his siblings but by his parents. To this day they still focus and tell him every time he talks to them all about their perfect little Nate and Ellie. Nate and Ellie used to harass him of how he was unplanned, just an accident and not a perfect plan like they were. To admit it, Oliver actually exaggerates the amount of times and the severity of the harassment of being an accident, he just took it very hard each time and tried to pass it off that it didn't bother him that much. Luckily, it had passed for the most part. He feels neglected and he is neglected by his family and often left to his own devices.
  
• Materialistic - Feeling neglected, hating himself, wanting to make himself greater, and yet being proud of who he is... a Montague, thinking he himself can and will be better than others, this has made him materialistic. It's not his money, it's his parents money. He'd go shop, buy that new jacket, those shoes... Sometimes pants he'd only wear once or a shirt because some random person was staring at it and he didn't like it. He is actually quite materialistic and is obsessed with his property, his clothes, and his books. He doesn't like his stuff being touched.
  
• Emotional - The boy is quite emotional. Often people don't see it straight away. But, the boy is emotional. His emotions bottle up, they are stress as well. He hides it the best he could, emotional pain bothers him a great deal that he'd cut himself to relieve the emotional pain. He shelves it, but he can explode if it gets too much. There have been some known Ollie outbursts. Don't ask his parents what happened to their wine cabinet when he was nine.

Detailed First Person Personality: Hi. I am Oliver Alistair Montague. I'm currently the youngest of the Montague clan because I took them by surprise, which is totally my style. My style is my style and only my style. But, I guess I need to be honest here? My parents are throwing insane amount funding to my clothes, I think it's really to keep me happy? I get really happy when I get new clothes. I'm not entirely sure why. It just brings a smile to my face to be able to stand at my closet and pull down a random pair of clothes. Yeah. I think I gotta admit, I'm kind of jealous of muggles living at home and only going to school for a few hours a day. But, don't tell anyone that okay? Yes. I am materialistic and I'lkl admit it.

My siblings used to harass me about being an accident. I know it was a joke now, but... You know... Back then I took it quite hard. I hated it and just stood strong faced at them trying my best not to break down in front of them. My parents focus too much on my brother and sister. I'm gone for eight months of the damn fucking year is it too fucking much to ask for some attention when I get home instead of immediately going into a conversation about Nathaniel and Eleanor? Or about some other thing? What's next? Fucking dinner drama owl? I don't need to know this stuff.

Don't get me wrong... I know my siblings and my parents love me. But, I sometimes think I just impose on them so much. I have two older siblings, already in their adult lives with their own happiness, their own dramas, I feel I'm forgotten about. Though, when I do get in trouble enough and caught, I know my parents are there to catch me. I'm able to spend their money, buy a shiny new jacket or coat.

Magic had always been a great part of my household. It had always been a great love for me. I loved reading books with the many mysterious spells that I would one day learn. I thought it was impossible to finish a year's worth of schoolbooks before. Oh, boy was I ever in for a shock as a young boy entering Hogwarts. Okay, school first then I'll talk more about me okay? So um... I'm good at Charms and History of Magic. I'm not very good at Defense Against the Dark Arts. I know odd right considering I'm a Montague? I'm the odd one of the family, probably the black sheep. I have apple wood in my wand, it isn't pretty good with any type of dark magic or curse. For some reason they say the people who possess an apple wand will be well-loved and long-lived.

Well-loved? I don't know if I feel that sometimes. But, I sit and think about my family. I never really been truly threatened by them. They focus on other things in their very busy lives. But, I never been forced out of the house, slapped and beaten around, or things like that. I just felt a bit abandoned? Though, something strange about my wand I learned... People like me apparently have an unusual ability to converse with other magical beings in their tongues? I find that interesting. I actually started studying some Goblin. I know, I probably shouldn't. But, hey... I want to know what the hell my parents' bankers are saying behind our backs. One of these days I want to make an expedition to the merfolk just to see if they are like people say they are.

I actually do like attention. I'll admit that. I love it when my parents and my siblings ask about me, focus of me exactly and nobody else. Just me. It feels great. Even if it's just grabbing my scarf and saying that it looks great on me. It makes me happy, it makes me feel confident. I like being told I look good. Even though I was the accident, the unplanned child my parents at least took care of me and didn't abandon me in a no-land place where I might've turned into a squib.

Though, while I do like this attention, I still feel incredibly self-conscious because of my family. They're perfect in every way. I have a perfect brother. I have a perfect sister. They're both simply perfect. My parents say that. It's great I guess? I have great role models of siblings, right? Meh. They're nice enough I guess? At least I don't get a black eye or anything. I quite like them enough, I just feel they soak up too much of the attention. Though, I'm probably over thinking this. I get my way because I'm the little one and have practically no responsibility, I guess it's a trade off...

Being self-conscious hurts. Stress hurts. Emotional pain hurts. I bottle things up. I always have. I bottle them up and explode. But, lately for the past I think about a year now? I don't keep track of dates like this. I've been doing something my family probably wouldn't like. I've been eating less and less, I don't think they have noticed. I don't think anyone has really noticed of the weight I lost. But, I'm actually quite happy with finally being under a hundred and ten. I skip breakfast and lunch usually, but show up for dinner because it's almost required and everyone would ask questions. I can get away with saying I'm not a breakfast person which is actually true. I only grabbed coffee or a drink in the mornings and ran around or went back to bed.

I can also get away with eating at lunch. I could say I have a meeting with someone, already ate, or not very hungry. People get suspicious around dinner. I sit there, I eat the lighter foods. Maybe a bagel if there's one? Or the salad, lots of salad. I sometimes just sit there and play with my food and joke around, accidently drop my plate now and then or just focus much more on a drink. Shifting food about, and smashing it up makes it takes less space so people think I ate. I do take a few bites. At home, with my siblings or my parents I do try to eat.

I think this is anorexia. I don't think I'm that bad. It's not bad that I lost twenty-six pounds right? I'm not disgusting and throw things up. I'm civilized at least. But, anyways, this isn't the cause of my stress entirely. Not eating like this makes me feel good, but what really makes me feel good when I'm frustrated and terrified, scared, or feeling pushed away or ignored? I use a diffindo to cut my wrists or sometimes my ankles. It makes me gasp in pain at first, but I give a huge sigh of relief within a moment as I feel a sudden rush of excitement and happiness. It seems to take away my emotional pain. But, whatever. Who cares? The tactic works. I'm not exploding and yelling at people in random outbursts anymore. Now I can just cut it out and clean up the blood and use a healing spell.

Though, I'm getting better at healing spells! I used to be really bad at them, the scars somewhat showed. Now I can heal them leaving only bumps behind that go away in a few days. People won't really notice until they feel my wrists or if I do the stuff in the dark. I feel neglected honestly by people that surround me, it's like a mad world. I know my folks love me and my siblings love me. But, I feel I'm just ignored, you know?

Around others, I think I might come off as a Montague. Because, well? I am a Montague. I do talk well, or at least I do try. I'm an indecisive person, but, around others I just seem disinterested. I guess I am in some ways? I am only really interested in things my friends or people I really care about are saying. If I don't know you I don't want to know your fucking life story. Of course I'm apathetic to you.

I feel bad about this one fact. I like boys? I haven't really talked to many about it. But, it makes my self-conscious image hurt more. I feel super guilty about it. I'm not entirely sure what my family thinks about this? I've had a total of four crushes. Three were on boys, one was on a girl. So, I guess that makes me bisexual? Anyways... I guess I have to come clean. But, I only will when I find someone. If a girl, I won't have any reason to right? If a boy, I gotta make sure he fits the same criteria as the girl... Be from a respectful family that my parents would like. I'm still a minor. But, if they do find out by accident I'm sure it'd hit them like a windmill like the time they were banging on the door to come in, but my back was against it because I was too busy being kissed.

I don't think they noticed really how obvious it is sometimes. I mean, yeah... I get teased at for checking out a girl. That's normal, you know in a family? Or I think it is. But, I do the same for boys... Probably a lot more. I don't think anyone has noticed that yet. Oh well, perhaps it's for the best. I don't think my family really cares about whatever I end up being... But, I cannot be sure. I'm quite terrified over it anyway. I think it matters most if the person I find matches the morals I was raised with. 

My parents control my life for many more years, and plus I'd need to start a career. My family is important to me. I'm proud of being a Montague. I like being a fucking Montague. I can stand my ground, quite easily. I am a Montague. I am a Montague. I am a Montague. Yes, I know I keep saying it, but, sometimes I have to say it to believe it. Control isn't theirs. It's mine. I find things to control. Like food. I can control that, I can control what I eat... Well most of the time. Ugh. Why do they have the right to dictate food at meal time? Okay um... I have the right to dictate cutting myself. Yes. That. That is entirely and completely under my control.

I am Oliver Alistair Montague. I am first a Montague, then I am an Oliver. As an Oliver I control my body. Over twenty pounds loss, was at my own control. My wrists' bumps, while not fully healed it's pretty much mine. My blood I see drip. My own pain that is relieved. My own way. It's my world. I am a Montague first and I am Oliver.

MAGICAL SKILL

Best Field: History of Magic.
Weakest Field: Defense Against the Dark Arts.
NEWTs: N/A.

THE HISTORY

Mother: Millicent Montague (nee Bulstrode), pure-blood.
Father: Richard Montague, pure-blood.
Sibling(s): Eleanor Paige Montague, 23, pure-blood.
Nathaniel William Montague, 21, pure-blood.
Pet(s): He has a cat.
Residence: Large home in the outskirts of London.
School: Fifth year Slytherin at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Detailed First Person History: There was quite a bit of history of the Montague family before me. Like the story of how my dad Richard and my mom Millicent met, the day they got married, the birth of Eleanor my sister... Or even my brother Nathaniel. So, um let's see if I can remember. Okay, my grandparents are rich and respected families. This is great, for me I suppose. This means my parents were able to bring me up in a privileged upbringing in the words of my brother, Nate. Or was it Ellie that said that? Not sure which one.

I was a complete surprise to my family. They did not expect a new child entering their lives. My parents seemed to be perfectly happy with my brother and sister. A perfect four. One boy. One girl. It sounded like the dream. But, randomly I came out of nowhere. I suppose that was good. It was a marriage of love. I was born to loving parents, to loving siblings.

Even though I was unplanned, I grew up as a regular toddler I suppose. I quickly learned the manners of our society, I learned my parents' names, my siblings were older than me, much. Eleanor was eight years ahead of me. Six years for Nathaniel. So? What does this mean? It means when I was three years old Eleanor was off on the train going to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for the first time. Nathaniel of course was close with his sister. I didn't really understand this disappearance as much.

It really didn't sink in how important Hogwarts really was until I was around five years old and Nathaniel went off to Hogwarts. Now, I was alone. I didn't like it at first. Despite Nathaniel and Eleanor being closer to each other over than me. So, I got to spend some much wanted time with my parents. Though, they seemed to be constantly busy with who does what. It was actually the time I asked my parents at dinner one night a question that made my dad cough and my mom break out into laughter. "Can I have a baby sister?" I asked them.

Of course I never got a baby brother or sister, but I got over it. I had an older brother and sister. They told me I was unplanned, my sister and brother. They told me of how perfect their lives were. I don't think they realized how much it hurts when they say it. Knowing they don't realize that doesn't make it any better. It hurts. Hurts greatly. I promised I'd be nicer to my baby brother or sister. I'd be happier with one of course. I'd be nice, close to them, help around. I even offered to help. But, it wasn't in the cards for me. Nothing I could do about it.

I grew up in a privileged upbringing. My parents had money, I was taught about the world, I went to events, heck I even took a dance class while growing up. Everyone should know how to dance decently right? Well I can. I kind of enjoy it actually. Over the summers when Eleanor was back I found myself wanting to run after her. I definitely couldn't keep up with her at first, but I tried. I really did try. Because of this, I realized I actually liked running. It was exhilarating. I started running instead of eating breakfast regularly. I never had a strong appetite for breakfast. Sometimes mom and dad would be surprised if I showed up for breakfast and ate something. Lunch however? I devoured the food.

Nine years old was interesting. My parents were actually quite curious when I was going to get magic. But, it happened at the age of nine. I've been a kid that's been known to stack emotions. If I was made fun of, yelled at, harassed I just stand there nodding, trying not to cry. Eventually I just break down. Usually it's at night when I was alone in my room and cry to myself, nobody will ever know, right? So anyways yeah. This is what happened. Age nine, I broke down and yelled at my dad. I don't actually remember exactly what I was going bloody nuts over. So yeah, this outburst I was yelled at to go to my room and I just exploded and stomped my feet to cause the wine collection to mostly shattered. I don't want to know how much that really cost.

When my siblings came home for the holidays and summer they always quite liked coffee. I used to sit there with them and grab coffee and just lounge about, sometimes I'd bring a book with me to read or the Daily Prophet. I forced myself to drink the coffee for the longest time, but now I easily enjoy the taste. Coffee is good. It all started because I was trying to copy my siblings, so now I like it despite being much younger than them. It's really how I started liking to read too. I didn't really enjoy it at first and would rather to play outside, run about, go through things or sneak into the rooms of my siblings when they were gone to go through things. So, reading while sitting with the siblings drinking coffee I eventually finished a fictional book and I actually quite liked it and had to read what came after it in the next book.

Eleanor graduated from Hogwarts before I even started. So, I never got to go to Hogwarts while she was there. Sometimes during Hogsmeade weekend I got to see her and Nathaniel. I didn't mind being a gopher, grabbing things they asked for in an owl and remembering to bring it with me because mom and dad would let it slip. But, screw Nate and Ellie. It was my fucking turn. I got to go to Diagon Alley, get my own stuff. I got fitted for my own robes, I got my own books, and even my own wand. I was very excited getting my wand. It was acacia wood, just seven inches long and a unicorn hair as the core. The shopkeeper was nice and told me what the wood was like, he told me it wasn't a very common wood. I felt special, you know?

Being eleven was cool. I liked it. I was thrilled to go to Hogwarts. I did pretty well at Charms actually. But, my biggest issue was my aim. I didn't have very good aim. It got better in Charms and especially Transfiguration. I also really enjoyed history. The stories were exciting. I used to close my eyes and try to imagine being at the place and the sights of those great wars or great events.

Though, something happened right before Christmas. I kept my wand in my backpack... Yeah, I opted for a backpack. I traded a candy stash I had for it, and I quite enjoy it. I still use a backpack today over a book bag. It's just easier to carry things around, you know? I know, it's not the best in style. Trust, me I should know about style. I definitely do. I am a Montague after all. I have a gorgeous older brother and sister... Don't tell them I said that, okay? So, I accidentally jumped on my bed, forgetting my backpack was on there and snapped my wand. The timing was great. So I only had one day left of school, but I was devastated and scared.

My folks weren't as happy about it, but I did get to go to Diagon Alley and get a new wand. My second wand was a much better choice for me. Maybe it was because I had more time with it? But I think I liked it instantly. I ended up upgrading from seven inches to a ten and three quarter inch wand. It was made of apple this time and had a phoenix feather as a core. I quite liked the story behind it, though I think my parents were surprised at the description about it. Let's see if I can remember what I was told about it:

"Applewood wands aren't made in great numbers. They're powerful and suited to owners of high aims and ideals as this wood mixes poorly with Dark magic. It's said that the possessor of an apple wand will be well-loved and long-lived. It's often noticed that customers of a great personal charm find their perfect match in applewood. An unusual ability is to converse with other magical beings in their native tongues is often found among apple wand owners." Yeah that sounds about right. Hey, it's accurate. I can speak some of the goblin's language you know? I only really learned some words because I thought they were talking about me and my dad behind our backs and I wanted to know what they said.

Nate left Hogwarts not long after I started. I did get sorted into the same house though. But, I never really interacted with him there. I was busy with my own stuff and he had his own life. But, I was left alone so I basically had six years of Hogwarts all to myself. I do remember something I said in my first year that truly showed my upbringing. A muggleborn beat me in mastering a charm. I remember straight out asking with no shame, "Wait you're muggleborn... How did you do that spell? Why are you so good at it?" I was raised to have these values, to think as being pure is superior. I do a double glance at this now and then.

Not long after I became a teenager. Started growing taller and all, becoming much more self-conscious. Anyways, teenager was exciting. Hogsmeade opened up to me and I loved shopping and loved begging parents for some sort of money to spend. I actually superbly enjoyed it. I also got a crush that year. It was on a girl, seemed normal. I was super excited about it. But, I fell out of it nearly as fast as I got in on it. I mentioned it to my dad once and he thought it was funny. Or I think he did? I'm not sure. It didn't last.

Anyways. What was more noticeable was having those feelings about a boy. Then another boy. I felt terrified and scared over that. I knew what it was about, gay. I was glad I at least had those feelings for a girl before. So, I knew it wasn't the end of my world. Thank the stars it wasn't the end of my world. I did finally have my first kiss when I was fifteen... But, more on that later. Okay, I'll say it now. At home during the summer right before my fifth year started there was an event at our house. I stood in my room with another one of the boys, the sons of one of the people at the party. I stood with my back against my door, my windows closed. He leaned forward and kissed me. I just blushed, promising to keep it a secret.

I think it's kind of funny now. Why? Someone was knocking on my door and saying to let them in. They were pushing against the door trying to come in. I just stayed there breaking out in laughter ruining my perfectly great first kiss because someone was trying to get in. I actually don't know who was coming in. It could have really been anyone. I wasn't paying attention to the voice. I just slapped my hand over the other boy's mouth so they only heard me laughing and nobody else. So yeah. That was my perfectly horrible first kiss experience that is quite amusing to think about. I still wonder who was the person that almost caught me.

That wasn't the first time. There were other close incidents. There was also one I swore I was caught in our backyard on the side of our house. It should have been obvious to some of those close to me, you know? I checked out girls like any good boy in my family would do. Merlin. Nate, y'know is like so into girls I don't understand why that hasn't entirely rubbed off on me. Maybe he soaked it all up? Heh. I don't know. A guy once snapped at me for checking out his girlfriend when I was checking him out. That was quite amusing. I just laughed. The black eye was worth it cause a hot peace officer... Is that what they're called? I don't know hit wizard, auror, I actually don't know who he was picked me up and put me into a chair. Totally worth it. 

That was a scary summer as well. Someone commented on my clothes, I was quite excited because I picked the shirt out myself, and thought it was going to be more casual, you know? But, I felt horrible and just sat in my bedroom. Late at night I woke up and sat there, crying. It wasn't just that person's comment. I gotten other things before. You know how snobby our kind can be? We're superior. I needed to become bigger so they all suck up to me. But, I am at the bottom of the pole. I was the unplanned mess. I just sat there staring at myself.

Before I knew it I started cutting my wrists or ankles, mostly using magic. I heard it gives a great escape from someone. I at first used to purposely hit my arm really hard on something or punch myself in my stomach. But, the cutting felt easier. It just gotten easier as time came by. I also slowly stopped eating as much. I thought I was gaining too much weight too fast. I lost over twenty pounds you know? I like where I'm at so I'm trying hard to maintain it. It's hard. But, eating little food really helps me. Nobody noticed, so that's all fine, I guess? I don't think anyone noticed my wrists recently.

Someone did at school once, I got away with it by saying I stuck my hand into the thorns of a rosebush trying to get my wand I dropped, which was a total lie. My wand doesn't have a scratch on it. But, because of that I started practicing some healing spells to hide them better, because wrists are shown too much. There are still bumps, but yeah. So, I admit. I do self mutilation. I really do. I know this is a problem, but... I'm a fucking Montague. I don't have problems. This takes away my problems, my pain so it seemed only obvious to keep it up. My food problem? It is not a problem. I am absolutely not anorexic. I am not. I am not bulimic either, throwing up food is disgusting. I'm just normal you know?

I like my clothes. I care about how I look. I don't care about other people and their lives unless their lives are important to me. So that means my family and friends, I care for them. Strangers? I care less. You can go pick up your own books if you drop them. I like my appearance, I make sure I continue to like it. I'm picky about my hair sometimes... I choose my clothes carefully and have two distinct styles. One around family events, and one for myself.

As I grow older, nearing my sixteenth birthday I know I exaggerated how bad my siblings were. But, I am starting to understand how hard things had gotten. But, anyways. Who cares. This is my life now. I'm the only Montague kid. They need to fucking start their fucking lives so mom and dad can focus on me? I know I struggled in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but no. Just a fucking tutor to help me. Mom or dad didn't even sit down to check on any of my work. It was a fucking hired hand. They don't super, super, ignore me like some other kids' parents do. I know they love me. I just think they're focusing way too much on Nathaniel and Eleanor growing up, settling down, and start popping out kids. Bright side... I can get away with stuff? Wait. Can they keep it up forever so I can grow up and not have to worry about anything for a long time? Hah!

I just don't know. I'm afraid I'd disappoint them again. I had more crushes on boys than girls? I'd disappoint them over that. I did decide to not say anything, cause if I do it can cause trouble. But, anyways might as well live right? Maybe I'd find a nice girl. Or if it's a boy, at least they'd be from a good family right? I'm the second son. I'm not as important. All the pressure goes to Nathaniel. Or so they think. I don't think he realizes what it's like to grow up in the shadow of him and the shadow of my sister.

Can I ever be myself? I don't think I can. I'm a Montague first. I'm a Montague before I'm an Oliver. I'm a Nathaniel's brother before I'm an Oliver. I'm an Eleanor's brother before I'm an Oliver. Oliver is mine. It's mine. It's in my control. Like food that goes through my mouth is my control. My wrists are under my control. I like having things under my control. I sometimes think I only ever really love one thing right now, and that's my pet cat. Okay, don't get me wrong. I love my siblings and my parents. But, you know... It's just hard? We're perfectly normal on the inside. They're my brother and sister and mom and dad. I can't trade them.