Post by Leif on Dec 31, 2013 22:41:23 GMT -8
•• SHANE EUGENE HORNBUCKLE
SPEAK BOY! TELL ME YOUR NAME! YOUR SPECIES! YOUR AGE! EVEN YOUR BIRTHDAY!
Speak? Aye, ma'am. I am a boy, yes. Thank you for so kindly making that observation that I have a penis, without actually checking what's inside my pants. Yes, pants, not boxers. Incognito just for you. My name is Shane Eugene Hornbuckle. I know, odd name. Don't you dare start snickering at it. Eugene is my dad's name. Hornbuckle is also my dad's name. Shane is my first name, thankfully my mother had the sense of naming that. Being born with a penis, let me tell you, made my daddy thrilled. I am human. I am technically half-blood. My dad's pure. Mom's not. So, I'm a mix of both. Two thirds, does that count? I guess I'm half since you fucking purists want to screw up everything. This is in confidence, right? -blinks and smirks- I am not a Veela. Kind of you to ask, actually. I was born on the sixth day of July in 1997. Since it's three days after Christmas right now... I am exactly nine thousand, seven hundred and two days counting today old. This means I was just over six thousand days old in December of '13. That means I was sixteen, since you're obviously bad at math.
YOU! IMPOSTER! WHO DO YOU LOOK LIKE? DESCRIBE YOURSELF TO THE BLIND SEER!
Hmph. I'm not very good at describing myself honestly. Who is? I don't understand shapes very well. What the heck is a square jaw? What the hell are almond eyes? I don't know. But, I guess I can stay simple with what I know. That's okay, right? Should be. Don't think more of me, at least in this subject. Trust me, I'm very skilled in many things that involve much, much, more than my left hand. Bahaha. -winks- I have black hair. Very black hair. I'm pretty damn sure it's black. Always been black. Mom's hair is black too. Probably got it from her. Jet black is perhaps the best way to describe it? I have green eyes. To think about it, I'm actually pretty gorram fit. Okay, not thinking about it. I know I am. Why? Do you have an idea how much work you have to do at a fucking bank? It's not standing behind a bank counter all day with a smile on your face and nodding at Goblins shouting at you in Gobbledegook. You have to go down to cellars, open large doors. The Goblins think it's funny I have to use wands or my arms. I make it a habit to carry things over levitating, because it's good excercise. I don't always eat well. I may be six feet all, and weigh about a hundred and ninety pounds. I don't want to get too fat you know? I do like being somewhat fit. I don't have any piercings, my scars are various and are faded. Many of them have stories, but let's not get into that now.
I am not sure how to describe my body type, but, what I've said before should be enough okay? You ask for a lot of information, ma'am. Now, let's get onto it before we have a fact-checker here named Roxanne making outlines. Style? Um. I'm a dude. Okay? I don't understand style very well. I prefer to dress comfortably. After comfortably I do try for looks. I have nice shirts, nice clothes, nice blazers. In fact, I believe almost nearly every one of my clothing pieces were bought for me. My dad's into antiques and dresses snazzy. I just naturally do. How the heck am I supposed to describe nature? If you figure it out, you tell me, got it?
I LIKE INTERROGATIONS! WHAT DO YOU LIKE? WHAT DO YOU DESPISE?
Fuck. Likes and dislikes? Fuck. I have to sit and think about this. Okay. How about getting me pen and paper so I can write it down... You know, just easier to organize it in my head...Likes
- Muffins - Most definitely muffins. I love muffins. You talk too much? Shut up, take a muffin. Hungry? Shut up, take a muffin! Want a muffin? Shove your face into it. My rule? Don't shove the muffin into your face, you shove your face into the muffin. The muffin is all mighty worthy. Muffins make everything better. Bad muffins are horrible. Good muffins are good. Great muffins are the kind I eat.
- Coffee - There's just something about a fine coffee. You know, it's actually quite hard to describe. I love good coffee. Great coffee. Fresh. Steamy. Hot. Caffeine shot to wake you up in the mornings. I don't quite remember how I got through Hogwarts without being loaded on coffee. In fact, coffee is something he'd make time for. He loves the idea of coffee dates, no obligation short conversations.
- Reading - I'm the last person you'd expect lounging around reading a book right? Wrong! Reading is good for you. Seriously. Why aren't you reading? Everyone should read! Being well read is awesome. Knowing a little bit about everything is great. The biggest reason why? It helps you carry a conversation. If you cannot carry a conversation with me and you're not conducting business with me? Fuck, get out.
- Arithmancy - Numbers that blend together, that form together and know what they are I love. I love numbers. I can fall asleep thinking of numbers. Numbers makes me feel confident in life. This is something that is mine. Not something my parents can do. It's something that is entirely mine. Not my dad's... Not a Hornbuckle trait. Mine. Yeah, I know my family's well off. But, in Arithmancy and Accounting? Not really. We're just lucky. My dad would give away his gorram business with his soft heart.
- Violin - I can play the violin quite well, actually. I enjoy it. It's relaxing. Not nearly as relaxing as doing someone's taxes... But, it is. I've played it so long that it feels apart of me. My parents required me to play one sport and one instrument. I was allowed to choose. I of course choose the guitar... Yeah. Parents said no. So, I choose a violin, fully intending using it like an American fiddle player. That didn't work out so well either. But, I'm quite glad it didn't. It's a nice surprise when I pick it up to impress someone. If his violin were broken or destroyed, he'd probably just go sit into a corner and break down and cry.
- My Job - I actually really do enjoy my job. Most people who go into my profession are muggles or go into work in muggle banks. I am a bit different. I landed a job at Gringotts. I'm not entirely sure if my dad pulled some strings to help me land this job. I know the Goblins didn't quite like me there at first. Honestly, it was hard. I barely knew any Gobbledegook so they just spoke about me behind my back and made me do scut work. Today I do manage accounts, help people that prefer to work through a human over a goblin. The Goblins have recognized my skill as a banker in mathematics, finance, and arithmancy. I do also help do exchange for those of muggle roots and explain the banking progress and our economy to newcomers to the magical world. I provide a friendly human face to help the ease into Goblin politics and economics.
- Rainy Days - Rainy days, I love it. I simply love it. I always love the sound of the rain. I love the sound. Sometimes it's just nice to lay in bed hearing the rain slamming against the outside of my home.
- Taxes - I know many people hate this. But, I actually find it relaxing, you know? Numbers are relaxing to me. Doing taxes is relaxing. Though, friends and family love to poke me to do theirs. That can get annoying sometimes, you know, when I have things to do? But, taxes are relaxing.
- Coin Collecting - Something that I picked up at a young age alongside my father was coin collecting. My dad saved a coin from my year of birth, 1997 and framed the galleon. I had always been eager to collect rare coins and other currencies from the magical world. I'm quite proud of this coin collection, it had grown quite a bit since we started it.
- Debating - I love to argue. I love to debate. I love to talk politics. It's messy. So very messy. Messes can be fun, well messes in this way. Want to argue with me? Bring it on, duckling.
- Investing - This ties in with my coin collecting and tax hobbies, I am a banker by trade. I work in banking. I actually did really well in Arithmancy, no idea who it came from. My mom failed it. My dad wasn't nearly as good at it I was. I surpassed him in probably my fourth year at Hogwarts when it came to basic Arithmancy, I went on to far surpass him and now I work at Gringotts. How many can say that? It's a magical discipline that studies the magical properties of numbers that even include predicting the future with numbers and numerology! How awesome is that? I know the numbers of the financial world. It's not always concrete, but I find investing to be a bit fund. I'm doing well enough in it.
- Sex - Yes. I said that word. I have a penis. You expect me to be twenty-six years old and not mention that magical three letter word? Oh. You want a tick or a trick? Both. Damn, you're a slow person, ma'am. I am bisexual. -winks- Though, one night stands are nice. Some relationships. Some things are interesting... Like random places or whatever.
Dislikes
- Mondays - Mondays are perhaps the very bane of the entire existence of Shane Hornbuckle... My existence. Mondays are perhaps the toughest day of my week. I comes back after a weekend to see stacks of paperwork and things to do. I was lucky enough to score a contract with the Goblins that are favorable enough to me. They give me the weekends off and Wizarding holidays, under the agreement that I work on Goblin holidays.
- My Job - My job while it has perks, it also is tough. I once had to deal with this widow who needed another loan after her husband passed away not long ago. She needed more money to get her kids through another year at school. I felt bad. Her home had a lein against it. The bank's bylaws simply wouldn't let her extend anything. I felt horrible telling her no, apologizing that I cannot do anything. Though there was crying, some snapping, I felt really bad. When she stormed out I ran out after her as soon as I took a break. I sent
- Admitting He's Wrong - Though I will admit when I'm wrong... But, I don't really like to. I don't have to accept it, do I? Damn. I don't like being wrong. I know when I'm wrong. I love to argue, I love to debate, I love politics. But, I do not like being wrong. I will admit defeat. Admit when I'm wrong when I need to. I just don't like to.
- Tongue Tied - Many can relate to one of the strongest dislikes that I have... This is simply a mental dislike. Being tongue tied sucks. Having the word at the tip of my damn tongue. I hate it. It's just frustrating.
- Turkey - I don't like turkey. Don't you dare try to shove it in my throat. Got it?
- Robes - I love magic. Don't get me wrong. I realy do. But, I don't like robes. I prefer suits, nice comfortable clothes, jeans and a t-shirt. I don't want to wear robes all day and night. There's no reason to. Out of the bathroom? I use a fucking towel. Not a robe that can fly open for every Miss Harlow can see.
- Ice - I do enjoy cool weather, winter, snow... Especially rain. But ice? Not really. I drink my drinks slowly so it waters it down. But, then I don't like to chew ice. They always made my teeth hurt. I don't know exactly why. Simply to say... I don't like my drinks with ice.
- Messes - Messes are not the bane of my existence. I can handle messes. But, my room is clean. My work area is usually organized enough for me. I do tear apart things and rearrange them to how I like it. It's simply how it is. Emotional messes suck. But, when stressed out the first thing I do is get rid of wasted paper and things that aren't needed. I don't like things on the right handed side of my work stations, I constantly move everything to the left. -cough- My dad's new dimwitted worker moves everything to the fucking right side. Fuck. Right side? Who the fuck uses their right side? I'm fucking left handed. Other side of the counter lady.
- Being Tickled - It is a curse being ticklish. Why? I don't like people toughing me without my permission in some areas. I don't want to fall down in laughter. I'm actually overly ticklish. Being ticklish sucks. Really it does. Every once in a while my dad decides to randomly try to tickle me behind my ears, my neck, or armpits. I hate it. Especially since he does it in the most awkward places. -laughs- Like around that dimwit he hired.
- Being Corrected - You already know I don't like being wrong, or admitting when I'm wrong. But, there's something else I don't really like. Being corrected. I really dislike it. I'm good at what I do. I don't like if you point out a wrong number. That number is not wrong. I give you the benefit of the doubt, but honestly you just slow me down.
- Intolerance - I dislike intolerance. I'm perfectly fine with veela, wolves, werewolves, muggles, gays, lesbians... Oh boy, lesbians are fun to watch. What I'd give to see that dimwit India snogging -sly smirk- Actually, I'll keep that lesbian vision to my mind. I screw dudes. I screw dudettes. Heck, I'll try to turn a lesbian bi now and then... Just. Actually, you get the point. I am not a fan of intolerance.
- Lonely - I really do not like spending too much time alone. I need to have a book, be around people. I do get lonely. I just don't like being alone with my thoughts.
- Goblins - While the Goblins do pay great, they are clever. They have wit. Thank the heavenly stars I have been in fucking Ravenclaw with backstabbers trying to get one extra fucking point in class. These Goblins would eat you alive if had to. I hate that they talk behind my back, laugh, push me around. I have to stand firm. It's gotten easier with time now that I do understand most of their language and can speak back to them. But, you know? Being around Goblins all day just frustrates me.
I CAN BREW VERITASERUM WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS? TELL ME YOUR WEAKNESSES...
How the fuck am I supposed to know my strengths and weaknesses? What am I a fucking seer? I may be pretty damn great at Arithmancy but you expect me to sit here and rant about how great I am at numbers and economics? Screw that. I won't sit around and tell you how my best strength is simply fucking the brains out of a cute redhead. Okay let's see, besides doing one of the funnest activities which I'm led to believe I'm great or good at or have slept with too many fucking liars my strength should probably not be my humor but perhaps my flexibility or my tenacity or even my damn decisiveness. Yup. I'm actually really good at making decisions. Really good. I can come up with decisions rather quickly. Related to my work? Hmph... I'm pretty damn detail oriented and I can follow the rules well but I can also skirt the rules as well. Let's see... Hmph. I can carry a conversation about anything and I'm serious about that. Even the most bizarre thing you can come up with I can hold a conversation about it, including bra sizes or how annoying clasps are from a male perspective. Okay so downsides um. Yeah. Er. Yeah. Um. While I can keep a straight face while telling a joke I do have a strict and serious type of appearance from what I'm told. This is something that's natural to me, I like it. I continue to maintain it, though it feels natural to me. I um.
What are um... Thinks I don't like about myself or see as weaknesses? I um can hold a line, not sure if that's negative or positive though. I can keep strict to a rule, even when it does hurt someone. I can be very obsessive while being aggressive and even competitive. While I am self-confident with a strong ego I am sarcastic and quite resilient with my thick skin. I am critical, seriously I really am. I can be unbelievably blunt and harsh without meaning to be. I can get lost in my work and put an incredible amount of weight in my own beliefs and I can be quite stubborn when I need to budge my position, which I don't like to do very much. My facial expressions can be taken at face value, so I guess that is valuable?
I am adaptable to change. I do respect other beliefs and traditions when I can. I do sometimes forget about my romantic entanglements and it can be a bit messy. I once slept with someone, had to go to work for an hour told him I'd be right back. Well, I kept him waiting for six hours. Came back and he was long gone. So was my wallet. I am not very trusting and at the same time I am... My father is way too trusting at least I'm rational?
TAP... TAP... TAP... WHAT ANNOYS YOU? WHAT ARE YOUR QUIRKS? HABITS?
What annoys me? Fuck. This, ma'am! I hate this questioning. Is this over with? I don't like clingy things. Um my habits and quirks? What the fuck are those? I'm not entirely sure what to think about all that. I um am left handed? I bite my lower lip? I tap my feet? I stifle my yawns, to try and stop being tired? Oh! I know! I adjust my tone, and sometimes my accent depending on who I'm talking to? I can mimic accents pretty damn well. It actually quite helps in my field of work. I find taxes relaxing where most get frustrated? OBLIVIATE! WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS!
I'm not scared of love, romance, death. What I am scared of is screwing up. I grew up striving for my father, Eugene's opinions. I don't want to screw up. I don't want to be disinherited or whatever it is done in his mind. I... I guess I never told my father I do like to toy around with boys? But, that's not a secret to a great many. What's my secret? My worst memory? Damn. Hell if I know. Perhaps the explosions at the carnival recently? I was at work. Bank went into lockdown over it. I was scared out of my mind. You're not telling anyone about this, right?EXPECTO PATRONUM! WHAT ARE YOUR HAPPIEST MEMORIES? YOUR PATRONUS FORM?
I have only ever produced a patronus once. I never really needed to produce one. My patronus however is a fox. A nice looking fox. It's a clever, sneaky, and yet discreet animal much like how I can be. The fox is street smart, something I aspire to be. I have to watch my surroundings and adjust to them. This fox is it. My happiest memory is honestly getting my first paycheck from a job that wasn't controlled by my dad. SO... ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE... WHO ARE YOU... SEEING... DATING? STALKING?
I am single. Very, very... Single. I did date three people before, seriously. My longest relationship was just over two and a half years. Nine hundred and forty-five days to be exact... I am bisexual. I screw around with boys and girls. My first serious boyfriend or girlfriend was actually back in Hogwarts when I was sixteen. My dad really didn't like her all that much. He did like my second one however, who lasted the longest. I dated a guy in-between them but it didn't last long enough. But, now today? I really just hop around to see what's there. Longest relationship in the past two years has been actually, amusingly sixty-nine days and it was a dude. The only thing serious in my life right now is a left hand, my job, and I guess that's it. I don't really like taking dates past my dad. He's annoying.DO YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY? TELL ME OF YOUR FAMILY... SIBLINGS... PARENTS...
My immediate family is actually different then what some would expect. I was born when my dad was thirty-four years old. So um. Let's make a list again. Eugene Nelson Hornbuckle - Sixty, pure-blood, antiques dealer, kind soul.
Regina Danielle Hornbuckle (née Anthony) - Fifty-eight, half-blood, house wife, socialite.
_____ _____ Hornbuckle - Thirty-two, half-blood, _____. Dude. Moocher, steals daddy's money.
_____ _____ Hornbuckle - Thirty-six, half-blood, _____. Dudette. Rebellious, cool, awesome sister. Teases me to an extent.
ONCE UPON A TIME... MY LIFE STORY IS BORING, BUT... I WANT TO KNOW YOURS.
So. My life story? I guess I was born on the sixth day of July all the way back in the amazing magical year of 1997. So, let's um backtrack some. So, okay. Fuck. Um where the hell do I start? Gorram! So um... So my dad's first wife passed away. She was a nice lady from what I hear. She passed away sometime after my big sister was born. I heard my dad wasn't very happy about it. But, I guess he married her sister. So my big sister's step-mom is actually her aunt. How awkward is that? But... Get this... Ready for it? She's not my half-sibling in a way, why? My mom and her mom were identical twin sisters, so the genetics are equal.Okay so um... I really don't know where to start. I don't know that much about my parents before me or my little years. I do know that I wasn't expected. My parents already had a girl, then a boy. They were gonna stop there. They were perfectly happy with two children. They never expected six years later they'd find themselves pregnant with me. It never crossed their mind to give me up... Well at least before I was born that is. I was a terror. A complete terror as a kid. I ran around, through fits. I broke a lot of windows. Actually my first sign of magic came when my dad grounded me after I broke one of his antiques in his shop and I screamed, angry and broke a lot more than that one antique.
So um. I guess when I was eleven I went to Hogwarts. That's standard, I guess? I was sorted into Ravenclaw. Oh wait! I do remember something! When my dad proposed to my mom, his second wife? Damn, that's weird to think about you know? So anyways, he had a broken arm at the time. Not entirely sure why. But, he tossed her a box with a ring in it. She opened it and jumped in fright, in shock. She giggles when she tells the story because apparently my dad said these words: "I would get down on one knee, but then I'd have to get up all over again." So yeah. Um. My wand is actually hand-me-down. My wand was given to me by my dad. Apparently he tried to offer it to my brother, but my brother didn't want it. But, my brother already had a wand.
My grand pappy lost his license to use magic due to him getting up there in the ages. He got his wand from his grandfather, who got it from his father. So, my wand's kind of old? I believe it'd be turning two centuries old in about a year. The wand was crafted in 1825. My brother said he wanted cash or something for Christmas and threw it back at my dad. Nearly snapping the gorram wand. I think it hurt my dad when he did that. I stared at it and was playing with it. I was like seven years old. My dad took it away from me and told me I'm not allowed to play with wands. But, needless to say I was quite surprised when I got my Hogwarts letter he smiled and gave me a wrapped box to celebrate to find the wand in it. My dumbass dimwitted brother didn't want it. I was pleased to see it.
My brother got jealous. He recently broke his wand and realized that antiques are cool, they're vintage. He took the wand out of my hand and waved it about. He was old enough to use magic. I'm six years younger. So this made him seventeen at the time. The wand, when he waved it backfired. The wand really didn't like it. It pleased me. I giggled only to be pushed off my chair at the table while eating breakfast. Needless to say, mom wasn't very happy. First day of school he pushed me into the lake. It wasn't a good first day at Hogwarts either.
My brother is really into money. Constantly money. Simply money, money, money. My dad put a good sense of antiques and a respect for the past and the world around us into him. So um. I really don't know what about my history to put down here. Um. When I was fifteen I spent a month in America? I do enjoy history a bit?
I got my first girlfriend back in Hogwarts. It was an interesting relationship to say the least. I was completely confused of what to do. I really didn't know what the heck to do! I did also get kissed by a guy once there. It really threw me off. I didn't know what to expect. I spent summers working at my father's antique shop in Diagon Alley. Actually, I still do work there when I have time. I look over the finances mostly. -rolls eyes- He hired a dimwit.
So um... About school? I did pretty damn well in Charms. My strongest classes were Arithmancy and Ancient Runes. That was really no surprise. Ever since I was little I knew numbers well. When shopping with my mom or dad I'd tell them the price they'd pay at the checkout area and was just about always right. My dad liked this and taught me more and more about numbers as I aged. I actually surpassed him as a teenager. So now, I'm the one that teaches him about math, investing, and economics. I did get his mind I guess? I definitely got my mother's looks. Hah.
When I graduated I got a job at Gringotts. Needless to say it wasn't a very easy job. My job was scut work mostly. The Goblins really just hired me to replace some chick named Mayme. Something happened with her son, not entirely sure... Never really had the pleasure of meeting her. It started off as a summer job, I was mainly there to help muggleborns and those unfortunate half-bloods that happened to be raised by muggle parents. It made sense I guess? I grew up seeing Goblins. But, if you never seen a Goblin in your life it can be pretty damn scary. Goblins aren't the easiest to work with. So, my first job at Gringotts was to be a friendly face to the muggles and those of muggleroots to introduce them to Gringotts Wizarding Bank, explain our currency, and our economics. I have met nearly every muggleborn that had gone to Hogwarts for the last eight years. There are a few that I haven't met.
Okay. So even though I live in a world of facts, concrete facts all about the present it isn't hard to guess the future. I'm no seer. But, I do pretty damn good at Arithmancy which the Goblins have figured out. It's probably why I haven't got fired. After my first summer job at Gringotts, they moved me to a teller position so I could work with those wizards that preferred a human face over a Goblin. I am a bit envious of the Goblins because they have these gadgets and things to help them open doors. I have to use my own damn muscles. It did help me get into shape carrying gold about, opening doors, running those carts. They badly need oil. Badly.
I grew used to their smooth running system. It really made sense to me after a while. Though the Goblins think it's odd I'm left handed. They used to talk about me behind my back. They don't much now after I learned to speak their language. There are a few words I don't understand, but, I do pretty damn well. It sounded like gibberish to me for a year. My dad seemed to be pleased with my job. I actually still live at home even today. I know, I should move out. My parents don't seem to mind honestly. I keep my room clean, I work a lot. I eat, come home, help dad in the shop. I've just been saving a lot of my money and investing most of it.
Don't get me wrong. Working at the bank can be hard. My hardest moment there was a grieving widow that needed an extension on a loan. Her husband just passed away. The school year was just starting. She was muggle, she didn't have many assets the bank would find interesting. There was a line. I did take a pay cut from the Goblins about a year before to establish a small charity fund to help struggling families a bit, for the children of course. I had to tell her no. She had crossed the line. We were out of aid to extend. I had to hold myself together and tell her no. She left the bank, quite upset. It upset me too. After a few moments I ran out and chased her down and gave her some of my own money. She never thanked me. She broke down into tears and hugged me when I pulled out my wallet and was shaking her head. I told her to take it. I hope that kid has a great year.
I've made my own portfolio. I don't rival my dad yet. But, I'm pretty damn better off than he was at my age. I'm self-made, my dad inherited some and turned it great. I just grew up with a great advantage and tried to make it even greater. Stars. this dimwit redhead is going to have a field day if she finds I live with my dad and mom.
Though. My father... Eugene. Is a damn pushover. He hired a chick that knows nothing about antiques. I don't know why. She's attractive yes. She rearranged the work station I used to work to put everything on the right hand side. I hate that when I go in to look over the finances, transactions or whatever. She rearranges everything. I'm fucking left handed. I keep moving everything to the left side. It annoys me. My dad's a total pushover. He gives money to my no-good brother that's addicted to wealth. Don't get me wrong, money's nice. My brother does nothing with it and blows it. My dad's a soft heart. I have to watch dad's finances or he'd lose everything.
He only listens to me a third of the damn time. I guess Miss Harlow isn't too bad. At least she's not running him dry like my damn brother. She's decent I guess? At least she's not a workoholic, so I can still screw someone over a desk older than me in the off hours and not have to worry about my dad showing up since he's usually always running off to hunt more antiques.
my name is leif i am twenty-four years old I hail from pacific.
